Sunday, January 22, 2012

Raising 3 girls

Raising 3 girls.
One beautiful, gently, quiet, a watcher, One trying to be it all, wants to fit in, tries her hardest, but constantly tries too hard, and it backfires, and the other seems to have the world by tail, a social butterfly, but a get by kid as far as school marks go.

I am not the huge disciplinarian, or rule maker. My motto has been to just "be kind", and believe in yourself.
Yes the rooms are messy, the eldest get disappointed, the youngest couldn't give a crap, and the middle one comes from a very well organized home, and just seems to chill here. They say a messy house is creating memories, but there is a point when it is a little too messy, and we've hit it.

Two of them have made some pretty big mistakes, one has learned from them, the other is still learning, and the other's mistakes have been minimal, not impacting her life so drastically. Unfortunately, someone else in her past has made mistakes which will reflect on this daring daughter, emotionally likely for her lifetime. I pray not.

Things come quite easy for this daughter, she is a team leader/coach, a true friend, and a friend to many casually. She has as many "boy" friends, as she does "girl" friends. She is determined, yet in a very quiet, happy, "whatever" way. She has been the one that cannot sit still, that has to be entertained, or out socially, or even as a baby be held. She needs social contact. She exceeds athletically competing for schools, travelling teams, and for her province in volleyball. She is a true gym rat, but stays inside her comfort zone and in the sport of her choice. She is full of humour, fun to be around. Family is very important to her, she loves family get togethers, and spur of the moment gatherings. She has a true love for her aunties, and grandmas and laughs as she remembers silly things that have happened over the years. She doesn't have a clue what she wants to do in life as most kids in grade nine. She loves school for the social part, not so much for the academics, but realizes marks are important, and suggests she will try harder. As a mom, she may only be saying this to me, as if the choice was to study for academics or play in the gym, I think I can figure out quickly where she would be. She likes her money, and it is her money. She saves it and want me to spend mine until she finds the perfect dress, the brightest top, or the newest trend.She is a last minute joe, just like her mother. She is a red head. In my younger days, redheads were teased. She has loved being the redhead, and is proud of it. She was pleased to know that in her school they really don't practice "kick a ginger day".

I am the step mother to a wonderful step daughter. It has not been an easy road. She has been in my life since the age 4. She was in a nasty custody battle were all we were seeking, was fair access, not custody. There were many trips down to the courthouse, many counselling sessions for all involved, and pick up arrangements at supervised access centres. I still can't figure out how all of it could not have been handled differently without impacting the child so much. I suppose anger plays a big role. (anger continues to play a huge role with my ex, as well). Luckily my girls can get past this, and I believe my stepdaughter has learned to also advocate for herself. It must be hard as a child to come away from this being unscathed. She falls between my two children, and only six months older than my youngest. She has always looked up to my eldest, who is not really maturally four years older. She has tried to dress like her, act like her, have her haircut the same, purchase clothing the same, etc. Through the years, my eldest didn't appreciate this much but was told that it isn't so bad being a role model, and her stepsister would find her niche somewhere. Part of the frustrating thing was that she is only six months older than the youngest, but once the eldest was around, the youngest was cast aside. Sometimes three's don't work very well in a blended family either. She is a dancer, disciplined, scheduled, with high expectations put on her from her family. She is beautiful, kind, and compassionate. Facebook has and continues to bring her sorrow, but she continues to put herself out there, which results in lies to those she loves, and lies to impress others. It has now come to the point where she has learned how to block those she loves for fear of getting in trouble. I am not sure where the lack of confidence comes from, or this overpowering need to be at the top of the social circle, but it will continue to hurt her until she realizes, she really just needs to be herself, not this social, "look at me", impressed the boys personality. She has to realized it is O.K. to just be herself. As a step mother, I do not have full trust, it is always a work in progress, and when she is dishonest, caught in deceit over and over, trust is hard to continue to rebuild
Facebook is a nasty place for rumours, and undercover lies, growing up is hard, yes.

My oldest Sweet Pea, is a kind, gentle, loving young lady. She can be fun, outgoing, and humourous, but she can also be quiet, still, almost mature beyond her years. Then the switch is flipped and she is back to the young, bouncy little girl. She too, has been around the person that impacted my youngest and hope this isn't any reflection on her. She too has made mistakes with the social network, huge mistakes. I am glad it was a quick mistake, it was realized, and she grew from it, but this mistake did not provide for the happiest high school years. I do believe this mistake has taught her to be more careful, don't take risks, don't put yourself down for anyone, watch who your friends truly are, and find a few true friends. She does not like the pressures of life. She cries more easily. She doesn't advocate for herself, but will sit back and watch life go by. Sometimes she will let things build to a point where she can't take it anymore, and the the volcano will erupt ending in a spew of tears. Nothing so big that a good talk, and a big hug cannot cure. As a baby, she was content to just be put to bed, no need to rock her, as she really didn't like it. She needs her rest still, and quiet times where she can doodle and play with her creative spirit. She gets overwhelmed, but has learned to manage her time well, as well as how to be successful. Now she needs to gain more confidence within herself. At 18, she needs to continue to find out and explore what she wants. She is exploring a career in social work, plays sports, in a kind, loving relationship, and doing her absolute best. She is maturing, she is seeing life from afar, not under her family's wings. She is realizing that everyone is unique and different, and they mature in different ways, and all have different values and morals.

Kids are not easy to raise, but they are a true joy. They add a spark to your life.
Love you my lovelies...Mom

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